What is bullying?

Bullying is persistent unwelcome behaviour, mostly using unwarranted or invalid criticism, nit-picking, fault-finding, also exclusion, isolation, being singled out and treated differently, being shouted at, humiliated, excessive monitoring, having verbal and written warnings imposed, and much more.

I was bullied as a kid. I was bullied as a teenager. I’ve been bullied as an adult.

Each came in a variety of forms but it was bullying none-the-less.

As a kid:

In grade 6, I used to take the same street to and from school. As I’d ride my bike home, a girl my age, used to throw rocks at me. One day she pulled a stick out and forced me off my bike. What was my reaction? I asked her to my home to hang out and then I invited her to come with me to church. She came to both. As it turns out… she was just lonely and needed a friend.

As a teen:

From grade eight thru grade ten, I was bullied by a few girls who were a couple grades ahead of me. I remember being pulled aside on many occasions and given a stern talking to (usually to stay away from their brothers) while they gave their disapproving, condescending looks. Then they’d pretend like I didn’t exist. In a high school with only a couple dozen people (grade 8-12) total, it’s hard to miss anyone… They DID NOT like me! They liked to make me feel small. The trouble is… this was at a Christian school where the Principal used bullying tactics to discipline the students. We all attended the same Church which meant we all attended the same youth group. We spent a lot of time together! This was just one example among many that happened during my teen years. I struggled through this time with every thought from running away to killing myself. The confidence I had as a child was disappearing. To this day, I don’t think any of them know how they made me feel.

and it continued into adulthood:

Before I met my husband, I was in a relationship for a bunch of years with a bully. He emotionally abused me. He cheated on me. I tried to leave on many occasions but like anyone in an abusive relationship, you feel like your feet are made of lead. Repeatedly he told me that no one would love me, not even my parents. I wasn’t loveable. I was lucky to have him. He even “jokingly” told a family member that if I ever went missing, to look for me in his backyard {buried}. He loved to play, “Used to Love Her” {but I had to kill her} by Guns N’ Roses over and over and over again. I was afraid to stay and afraid to leave.

In the summer of 1995, I needed to get away from him. I took a business trip to Toronto and ended up meeting someone who would change my life… 🙂 It took many years for my husband to help me rebuild my strength.

Don’t be a bully!

It is impossible for me to watch any TV show or film where a character is humiliated. I grimace and squirm and turn away from the screen if I can’t leave or change the channel. Almost all reality shows are out for me! The combination of my history of being bullied and abused, mixed with my mercy heart has made me extra sensitive.

I support those who others wouldn’t, I stand up for those who can’t stand on their own anymore, and love on those who are seen as unlovable. I teach my kids, by example, to be compassionate, to think of others first, to be a friend to the friendless, and to love and respect all people.

Mercy triumphs over judgment!