The kids are arguing, the phone is ringing, the cat threw up another fur ball and your glass of red wine just spilled all over the white carpet. You don’t know whether to laugh or cry. It feels like you haven’t slept in months. Your home is run by harried, over-worked, and intimacy-starved parents who can’t seem to find a moment alone.

Your life sounds like it’s filled to the brim with romance, doesn’t it? 

Valentine’s Day will soon be here… who are we kidding, who has time for that?!

my crazy children

Finding time to be alone and reconnect can help remind you of why you wanted to share your lives together in the first place.

Whether it’s spent talking or in bed, couples need and deserve an oasis of alone time to stay connected to each other.

Staying physically intimate matters too — even if you have to do it in tiny increments or in new or unusual ways. 

Over the last 20+ years, my husband has presided over several dozen weddings. We often meet with the doe-eyed couples prior to and after the “I Do’s.”

Here are some of the tips we share with the newlyweds, looking down the road to when the kids arrive.

How to keep the romance alive when you become parents:

1) K.I.S.S. ~ Keep it Simple but Sweet

Time together doesn’t have to mean chartering a private plane to New York City. Or even waiting to save up for a weekend at a local Bed & Breakfast. It can be as simple as slow dancing in the kitchen while you’re cleaning up after dinner, to the giggles or groans of your kids.

Holding hands in public. Give each other a hug the first moment you see each other after work. Texting a love note in the middle of the day. Don’t postpone connecting with each other, grab as many small opportunities along the way as you can.

2) Make a Plan

Spontaneity is great, but not very probable, depending on the ages of your children. You need to schedule a time to be together. That may sound very clinical and not very sexy but trust me, it’ll give you something to look forward to.

With our crazy schedules, if we don’t carve out time for each other,
that time gets used up somewhere else, and soon we realize we haven’t noticed each other in weeks. That’s not what makes a
healthy relationship.

Mark it down in your family calendar, just like you would a work meeting, a volleyball tournament, or a doctor’s appointment. Your relationship is time well spent. 

3) Take a Timeout

When our kids were little, they had a way of searching the house for us (especially when I tried to take a bath), we would tell them that it was Mommy and Daddy time. Parents need a nap from time to time, even if it is only for 5 minutes… 😉

Oh and get a lock! I still remember walking in on my parents when I was a kid… you can’t ever unsee that!

Take what you can get, eventually, your kids will stop looking for you, and that 5 minutes will be 30 soon enough. 

4) Express Yourself

Life happens and when kids are in the mix, unspoken resentments can boil to the surface. If you have something to say to each other, say it, (but not in front of the kids) get it out of the way, and move on to more important things. You are a united team and communicating your feelings is vital. Keep the communication lines open and free of animosity.

There’s an old saying, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” In other words, never go to bed mad.

5) Watch Your Words 

Affection is not only shown through what we do but also by what we say. Our words are very valuable, they can either bring life or death to a situation, and the choice is ours. Words of affirmation show a high level of respect for one another and never forget the simple but very powerful, “thank you” and “please.”

Work on being kind, every day. This form of intimacy is the gateway to other, more physical and fun forms. 🙂      

We’re celebrating 18 years in May!

You are more than simply your kid’s parent!

You’re one half of a strong and emotional partnership, which takes constant work. It won’t always be easy, but consistently connecting with each other is good for you, and for your children. They get to witness and learn how to love and what it means to be in a healthy relationship.

Dave and I put our relationship before anything else, even our children. They know the universe does not revolve around them. They are used to the times we get away, just the two of us. I’m not talking about a simple date night to the movies (but that’s where it started), but for a week in California, or on a cruise around the Caribbean. Just as much as they know we love one another, they know they are loved by us.

The good news is — it’s never too late! Even if your children are full
grown and you have grandchildren, it’s never too late to get that spark back. My parents are a testament to that!

If you’re
still breathing… there’s time for your relationship. 

This post was brought to you by #Recipes4Romance and Olivieri but all tips, opinions, and life experiences with love, romance, and children are mine to share with you. Now go and make time for your partner!